Chapter 30
“So, how’s the guitar playing going?” Lily asks me on Saturday at 6 PM.
We chose my house this weekend for our sleepover, and Maria and Amber were both busy, so it’s just us this time. I was kind of looking forward to it more than usual. Not because I didn’t like Amber and Maria, I liked them a lot too as my best friends. But Lily seems to understand more about me than either of them did. She’s like the core of our friendship, so I was happy to spend some one on one time with her.
I grab the Doritos chip bag she was munching on.
“Hey!” Lily laughs and hits me teasingly.
I ignore her, “it’s going good. I’ve been practicing a lot. And y’know what’s weird?”
“What?” She grabs the chip bag back.
I roll my eyes at her, “while I was studying 24/7 for that test, I didn’t really make time for playing,” I popped a chip in my mouth, “and I really missed it.”
“Aw well you should play more!”
“I know I know,” I throw a half chip at her. “And I will.”
“Hey!” Lily sits up straighter, “how about you play for me?”
I look away, “I don’t know..”
“Oh shut up,” now she threw a chip at me, “I bet you’re great. And it’s just me! I bet it’s boring all the time practicing just to yourself. Isn’t it?”
“I guess,” I shrug.
“I know you can do it,” Lily says, “just… pretend I’m not here.”
I snort.
“No seriously! Just play. Pleeeeeeeeeease.”
“Fine,” I say, dusting the chip crumbs off my legs, “for you, only.”
Lily leans back with a smirk, satisfied. “And when you’re famous or bigger than that or whatever, you can say I’m the first person you played to.”
I’m standing outside my bedroom door with mom’s guitar in hand. Although I was still nervous to play for Lily, there’s no way I can say no to her. She just doesn’t take no for an answer.
I decide to play ‘Superstar’ for Lily. It was my first song and the one I played best, at least in my opinion.
I take a deep breath and hear Lily’s voice from inside my room.
“And now please welcome the amazing, the great… Drum roll please! KATERI TAMAAAAAA,” she drags my last name until I open the door and I see Lily clapping. I pretend there’s a million people in the audience and I’m on a huge stage instead of just in my bedroom. I pretend I have a fancy dress and my hair all pretty when I’m in my pj’s instead.
I wave into my room when Lily is just in there, and sit down on a wooden stool in the middle of my carpet, right in front of my bed.
“Okay so uh, this is called Superstar, by Taylor Swift.”
Lily nods at me, encouraging me to move on.
But I don’t wait for those nervous thoughts or butterflies in my stomach to spring up and give me second thoughts. I just close my eyes, and like it’s automatic, I start singing and strumming.
“This is wrong but, I can’t help but feel like, there ain’t nothing more right, babe….”
After the song, I echo it with one last strum and Lily’s eyes are wide.
“So?” I place my guitar on the ground.
“That was amazing. Kat, you’re a natural!”
I hop on my bed along with Lily.
“Really? And you’re not just saying that?” I laugh.
“Heck no! You know how honest I am, right? I would tell you if you sucked,” she says.
“Riiiight.”
“I’m serious,” and then Lily looks me dead in the eye.
And I know she’s not lying.
“What about my singing? Strumming?”
She looks up, thinking. “Um, your singing is really beautiful, you just need to project your voice more. And your strumming was,” she did a ‘chef’s kiss’, “perfect! You weren’t even looking down at your fingers!”
I do a mini clap, “yay.”
Then Lily sighs, “I’m so glad you did this, Kat. Especially because your mom, well, you know. Have you felt a connection with her as you were playing?”
Now it was my turn to think. I did often feel a pull or I just felt ‘deep in the moment’ whilst playing. But most of all…
“I feel like I know her a little more through playing. Is that weird?”
Lily rolls her lips together, “no.”
Then we sit there for a while, thinking.
The crickets were loud outside.
Under my pillow, I pull out my phone and hide it under my covers so the brightness wouldn’t wake Lily. I check the time.
1:31 AM.
I really shouldn’t be up at this time. Why couldn’t I fall asleep?
At least there’s no school tomorrow, I think as I roll over on my other side.
“Kateri !” A whisper voice says a little too loudly.
My stomach flies. Angels? Mom? Am I dreaming?
“Are you awake?”
Oh, it’s just Lily.
I sit up and rub my eyes, “yeah, I am.”
She turns on my light and I’m blinded. After my eyes adjust, all of the sudden I see Lily in her sleeping bag, right next to mine. Her blond hair is a mess and she looks really tired.
“What’s up?”
I sigh, “I just can’t fall asleep,” I rub my eyes again, “what about you? What are you doing up?”
“Well, I wasn’t,” she yawns really big and I do too, “I was having a crazy dream. An amazing one.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. And I think you should hear it.”
“Okay,” we both sit up and I dim the nightlight a little. My eyes can’t tolerate this much light so early in the morning.
“Well, the dream was kind of weird. But all I saw was someone that looked like you, sitting on that same wooden stool, on stage,” Lily bulged her eyes, “playing. Guitar.”
“Woah,” I say, half asleep.
“So I just had a spark,” Lily yawns again, “gosh I’m tired. But anyway, what if you could play in the talent show?”
I get taken aback and lay down again on my sleeping bag. “You must be really asleep,” I say, “auditions are already closed. There’s no way I can enter.”
Lily lays back down too, “darn you’re right. What if…”
For a second I think Lily had fallen asleep. “What if?”
But she hasn’t, “what if you could convince Mrs. Leen to put you in.”
I roll my eyes, even if Lily can’t see, “she’ll never let me in.”
“You never know! Anyway, it was just a thought. We’ll talk more in the morning.”
I yawn again, “agreed.”
“Goodnight.”
“‘Night.”
As I’m falling asleep, I think about what Lily said. Did I want to perform? And if I actually miraculously did, how in the world would I convince Mrs Leen to get me in?
I can’t do it.